I have a confession to make. I am addicted to pornography and have been since I was a teenager. It has interfered with my relationships and I want to be rid of it. For long periods, I don’t think about it, but every once in awhile, it pops into my conscious awareness and suddenly I become obsessed, again.

The more sexual energy that I expend in my head, the less I have to share with my wife, which affects intimacy and eventually the foundation and strength of our marriage. Plus, it feels like cheating because it involves hiding and lying. Secrecy and shame are part of its allure.
I don’t want to hide and cheat. I decided to disclose my issue as part of a self-initiated process to publicize it in hopes of finally breaking its power and grip over me. I also hope that my disclosure may help others to wrestle with and finally overcome their addictions.

It’s long past time to clean-up the dead hawgs in my pasture.

Posted originally at Firedoglake. Please read the comments for additional insight into the role of addictions in our lives.

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2 Comments on “CONFESSION”

  1. laluna Says:

    *I believe addictions to power, money, sex, and possessions is manifesting in many individuals all over the world. Like a pandemic and deadly virus it is literally consuming, enslaving, and destroying people as well as our planet, Gaia, which is the fabled Garden of Eden of Biblical fame.
    Notice that I do not call it evil. I describe it as an infection because I want people to avoid the religious and judgmental trap of condemning the stricken as monsters who must be destroyed. Better to think of them as afflicted by a treatable infection. While we literally have to stop them to save ourselves and the planet from destruction, I think we have to go about our task nonviolently and humanely. After all, all humanity is being tested via natural selection and the manner in which we solve this problem will not only determine whether we survive as a species, it will determine our fitness to continue evolving as a species.
    We are living a truly epic adventure. Wake-up and seize the moment.
    Be Here Now.*
    bravo for your courage and honesty by self-admission. i agree that there has been a rampant emergence of multi-options for addictions in our society. perhaps these have always existed, whether in primitive or more sophisticated form, as powerful elements to redirect our energies away from psychic suffering. perhaps they were originally, as today, triggered by a primitive response as a solution to our stressors; deep, imbedded, and evolving responses, whether unconsciously or consciously applied.

    in another time, we were consumed by survival, hard labor, disease, suffering and death. how advanced we’ve become, while, at the same time, rendered powerless by any variety of addictions.with certainty, they cannot be lessened by the designation of evil, or by associating shame and guilt to burden an already heavy heart.

    nature and nurture…we are wired and then sensitized to our environment. does it matter much the how/where/when/why that sparked the fire? perhaps not. there is so much on the horizon with regard to scientific studies of our brains….and possible relief in applying that science to remedies. this….and, always, compassionate concern for one another.

  2. masonblue Says:

    I’m a strong believer in compassion and the Golden Rule.

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughtful comment.

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